To the New Girl

I remember having the raging hormones, just last month, and all of the complications that I thought were in my life. For the past year, I’ve dealt with a whole mess of emotions that had never occurred to me that I’d someday have to face. I’ve crushed, I’ve lusted, I’ve desired, and I’ve been desired. I’ve made decisions that I thought were for other people, and I realize that they were all mine, no matter who the intentions benefited. I’ve wanted to kiss someone, and I’ve wanted to hold someone else, and every now and then there’s someone I’m curious about fucking, and perhaps I’ll meet someone to love and make love to. I have many years to look forward to, in a complete life, but I could die tomorrow. For the first time in a long time, I’m not in any sort of rush to be anywhere or do anything, or get anything done, or be with anyone. I’m in no rush, and it feels great. I’m standing still, and the part of the world surrounding me is starting to catch up to me. Or am I catching up to it? It doesn’t matter. All that matters is what feels good. What I enjoy. What makes me comfortable, and I’m comfortable with you. I’m not saying that I’m one of those artists who can get on with his life without getting drunk or high and ruining your life, or who falls in love with a younger, more Asian, woman, or a guy willing to mutilate or die to prove his own worth to himself with you as an excuse. I’d just like to spend more time with you. I’d just like to know you, and help you, and be whatever it is you need from a person like myself. I won’t always be charming or understanding, but I want to be, if it’s what you like. It’s what you deserve. I want to know: are you comfortable with me? Do you understand? Will you allow me the pleasure to be there for you? There may come a time when I ask some things of you, and I trust you to tell me when I ask for too much. Everyone butts heads. Oh, I look forward to an answer. Well, in due time, I guess. I feel so great right now. I guess you’ll let me know when you’re ready for this kind of question from me.